Fix Your Eyes on the One

.....continuing through my journey of 2 Chronicles 20......

The second half of Jehoshaphat prayer states his position and problem. He names his enemies and the problem is that they are trying to push the Israelite's out of the promised land. The land that God gave them.

I may not be dealing with physical enemies, but my enemies are just as real and they are just as pushy----they are trying to push me out of the inheritance God my Father has for me. My inheritance as His child. My access to His grace and strength.

Fear, doubt, apathy. These are my enemies' names. These have crossed the boundary lines and are encroaching on my 'pleasant places'. I feel as though I have been pushed to a precipice and one more push will send me into a whirling vortex of which I will never escape.

So I, too, stand before the Lord and state, 'I have no power to face this attacking enemy. I do not know what to do, but my eyes are upon you.'

This is where I am. At the edge of something scary. I do not know what to do or where to go. I am powerless. I can either give up and give in or stand with my eyes upon the One who holds all power in his hands.

Fear. Fear. Fear. Fear of what people think. Fear of disappointing people. Fear of my family not turning out the way I pray for. Fear of rejection, which ties into disappointing people. Fear of not being worthwhile. Fear that once people see the real me they will run as far away as possible. Fear that I am a fake. Fear that I have the wrong motives. Fear that my dreams will not be full-filled. Fear. It rules my thoughts and my actions. It whispers to me during the night and it haunts me during the day. This is the enemy I contend with.

Fear robs me of joy. Fear robs me of worship. Fear robs me of an intimate relationship with my husband, my children, and my God. My enemies name is fear.

I know that God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of love and power (2 Tim 1:7). However, this enemy has grown out of proportion and it is time to throw up my hands and cry to my Savior, 'I can't do this, I don't know what to do, I am powerless against this, My eyes are on you.'

So I wait. I wait with my eyes focused on my Jesus. And as I go throughout the day, I look to Him.

And it is time. It is time to take up the battle position and for that I wait upon the Lord. Waiting for His guidance. It it time for this enemy to be conquered once and for all. I am so weary of being pushed around and the enemy gaining ground. It is time for it to be defeated.

2 Chronicles 20:12....'I do not know what to do, my eyes are fixed on you.'

....to be continued....

Blessings,

Jess

When You Don't Know What To Do

....continued from 'Journey to Joy'.....

2 Chronicles 20: 12, 'We have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you.'

I can identify with Jehoshaphat and the children of Israel. They had very real physical enemies, but my invisible enemies are just as real. It feels just as vast. The fear rises to attack. The bitterness encroaches upon my boundaries. The weariness insipidly wears down my defenses. I am powerless to stop any of them. What can I do? I can come and stand before the Lord, admit my weakness and proclaim His power.

I could leave my prayer at that. By stating my weakness and impotence and keeping my eyes on the Lord. But how? How do I keep my eyes on Him? How? When my enemies are so vast and destruction seems imminent. I believe the clue to this possibility is found in verses 6-9. These verses remind Jehoshaphat and the people of Israel of WHO God is. It is a great reminder of how Big and Great and Able is our God.

What does Jehoshaphat state at the beginning of his prayer? He states the following: He is Lord, He is God of our Father's, He is in heaven, He rules all, Power and Might are in his hand, No one can withstand against him, covenant full-filler, a friend, and I am welcomed into His presence, He hears, and he saves. Now, I do not think the Lord himself needed to be reminded of His attributes, but I think the people did. And so do I.

God is my Lord. He is my father. He is in heaven. He does rule all. He does hold Power and Might in his hand. Nothing can withstand against him. He fulfills promises, He is my friend. I can come to him and not be ashamed. He hears my cry, and he saves me. I have no power to withstand this army against me and I don't know what to do, but my eyes are upon Him. My life-giver. My rescuer. The all-powerful one.

Living this life well requires me to stand before him with eyes upon him relinquishing all I desire to control and admitting my weakness and impotence outside of him. It involves making the decision to be conscience of him in every breath I take, in every sight I see, and in every move I make.

...continued next week...

Blessings,

Jess

Journey to Joy

I wrote a series of reflections this winter on 2 Chronicles 20 this winter after the Lord repeatedly brought this passage to mind. I am going to post them here incrementally, bit by bit. I hope someone, somewhere will be touched and can identify with the cry of my heart.


The Journey

I find myself, here, at a crisis point. The crisis is within. It is a crisis of faith, of marriage, of mothering. It is a weariness of feeling like all I am doing is climbing an uphill battle. It is a loss of joy. It is a questioning of all God has done, is doing, and will do.

So. coupled with the fact that I have absolutely nothing of a crisis in my circumstances I feel immensely guilty for feeling empty. For feeling like something is missing. For feeling like I want something more than what I have been given.

I have so many blessings to be thankful for, but they get swallowed up in the black hole of my emptiness. I tried writing 'one thousand gifts', however, it has become just another bandwagon for me to jump upon and if there is a bandwagon to be on....I jump off. What does this say about my personality? Does it reveal some deep, dark, secret rebellion that 'I will not be like anyone else?'. But really, what if, thankfulness is the key; and I am missing out on something great that God has for me in my refusal to stay on that bandwagon?

Yet, I don't want it (writing thanks for gifts) to be just another thing to do because it is the right thing to do. My life is so filled up with doing the right things. In fact, what happened to the law of 'if you act, feelings will follow?' because sure as the sky is blue and the grass is green, it isn't happening for me. I have been doing the 'right' things for so long I don't know if I would recognize doing them for the pure joy. And oh, how I want that joy. The joy of worship. The joy of serving. The joy of loving my husband and children. Joy. I want that more than anything.

So where will that lead me? Do I continue to flounder in the mire and muck of obligation? How can one search for joy while one is still needing to fill the responsibilities of wife, mother, church go-er, teacher, laundress, secretary, financial accountant? How? Because doing all the 'right' things, responding the 'right' way is NOT working for me. I feel a swell of bitterness and resentment rising and it scares the life out of me because those two things are life-stealers. And I want to live. Live fully. Live with joy. Live the dream that God has graciously full-filled.

........to be continued

blessings to you,

Jess

Satisfied

'Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love—that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.' Psalm 90:14

'Jesus answered, Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.' John 4: 13-14

Can you imagine never being thirsty or hungry again? As much as a good cup of coffee is, I will want another. As tasty as a piece of New York Cheesecake it, I will want another at another time and place. That is the way of our bodies. To be satiated or satisfied. So often we end up beyond satiated, but that feeling vanishes and we are left looking for something else.

We as women can become a one-woman show. Racing our kids here and there. Pursuing personal fulfillment. Trying to be the 'perfect' woman, keeping all the plates spinning. And yet, many times, we are still unfulfilled and not satisfied so we had another spinning plate thinking that will satisfy this longing in our hearts, but it doesn't so we add another plate and on it goes. We are left with the question: 'What more must we do?'

Just one thing. Come to Jesus. 'Really?', you might be thinking,' one more thing to do? I have enough on my to-do list,' may be running through your mind. But this one thing that looks as though it is just one more thing to do is, in reality, the most satisfying, restful thing you can do. It is a phenomenon that our finite minds fail to fully comprehend, but it works. It is in Jesus that we find what truly satisfies.

QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION:

1. Do you make your relationship with Christ just another thing on your 'to-do' list?
2. How do we take Jesus off our 'to-do' list and make Him what satisfies us?
3. Have you tried filling this longing in your heart with things other than a relationship with Jesus and if so, how did that turn out?

Delight

'Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.' Psalm 37:4

This verse reminds me of a kid let loose in a toy store with the instruction that anything you wish for you may have. But will that really bring that child happiness? Does getting what we really want bring us what we long for?

Many women long for a better figure, a better wardrobe, different hair, maybe even a different face or legs or something. We women are great at longing for something different instead of accepting ourselves for who we are. On the inside, deep down where no one sees, women long to be known and to be loved just for who they are, without the performance of wife, mother, employee, and friend. Other desires are noble and even biblical: that our children may know Him, or that our families would be bound into the love of Christ.

These are all great desires, but what if this verse is talking about something more? We all have experienced the feeling of delight. Think on the first time you held a newborn babe and brushed your lips across the sweet and downy forehead of new-life, life fresh from heaven. Or the first time chubby arms squeezed your neck and lisped the words, 'I love you'. That feeling of delight should fill our hearts and minds each time we think of the Lord. But how many of us, truly feel that way on a day to day, all day basis? Why are we so caught up in our lives that we forget the life-giver? Why do we forget that it is only by his grace that we live and breathe? Why do we think that this life must be conquered on our own?

To delight yourself in the Lord is to make His favor your delight. It is to seek after Him and His ways, day to day and moment by moment, breath by breath. Inhale. Exhale. He favors you. He delights over you. And if Someone can love us like that, shouldn't we then delight in His favor? In Him?