I am discussing the cycle from apathy and pride to surrender and victory. This is a cycle I am familiar with. I don't have a single answer for the antidote to this problem. What I have are principles I have gleaned from the Lord's word. I don't want to give the mistaken impression that I have conquered this cycle or that I am continually within this cycle. It is just that: a cycle. It comes around every once in a while and needs to be experienced and dealt with.
'Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.' (Psalm 46:10)
Being still is something I am still learning. I cannot just sit. If I am sitting, I need to be reading a magazine or book or working on a crocheting project or going over school subjects. I am drawn to sit outside, but I can't just sit. Pretty soon I am up, walking around the yard inspecting the raspberries or flower bed or trees. This inability to sit still gets in the way of me being still.
To be still in His presence. To soak up His sweet spirit. To be awed by His power and might. To let the still small voice whisper to my frantic thoughts: 'be still'. He will be exalted. His presence will be made known. Know that He is God. Rest in that truth.
Within being still in his presence also forces me to confront the feelings that busy-ness covers. Sometimes I have to let those awful feelings flow through you to get to the other side. Those feelings of worthlessness, inadequacy, sadness, or anger. Ignoring them, pretending they don't exist only makes them more insistent in breaking out. When I slow down enough to be still, I need to let the feelings come--give them a name, experience them and then show them the door of Truth. Do I have this mastered? Not at all, but I am learning.
I fall prey to the idea that if my feelings are wrong, then I must not/cannot give them a voice. But it is in letting these feelings have their say, while coming back at them with the Word of Truth, that I find freedom. Freedom from what my assumptions of what a good Christian girl should say and feel and do.
'But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.' (Psalm 131:1-2) This is something I must do. It is up to me to still my own soul. I must choose to be still and quiet, resting in my Lord. Leaning back into Him, looking into His face with all the trust of a child. Knowing that despite my rolling feelings He is God--exalted above the nations. He will be made known.
Be still. Know that He is God.
1. Do you try and deny your negative feelings?
2. What happens when you do?
Next time the feelings are roiling and boiling inside of you, will you try and give them a voice and then a name and come at them with the Truth of Scripture?